Happy birthday to me!

Today is my 29th birthday. Haha I used to dread birthdays as I grow older but I dun feel depressed this year.. In fact I really looked forward to this day in anticipation. I guess it must be the acceptance and liberation of my mind that causes this change. Yeah I am old in terms of age, but I am not old in terms of how I feel inside. Age does not slow you down or make you less desirable, only your mindset can make you or break you. :)
That is how I feel today... What a great present I have given to myself! ;)
Happy birthday to me...

13 Nov 1980

It's been a short year...

I am in Melbourne now.. Just finished and handed in my Honours thesis and awaiting anxiously for my results, hoping that I can get a scholarship for PhD. It has been a pretty short year. I did not even have time to think and reflect on my time here and the year is almost gone.
Well it has been a year of discovering and growing for me. There have been ups and downs, times when I feel lonely and want to go home to my family... But I guess I have survived.. :) It may not be pretty smooth sailing and exactly happy moments for me, but at least I have grown and learned..
I have learned the importance of family and friendship. My family is the biggest blessing in my life. It is true we have fought and got angry with one another, but they are ultimately the ones who will stand beside you and support you in times of need. I used to not believe in friends but after I came here, I realized that I do need friends and I learned to cherish my old friends even more.
The most important thing is to have God with me. If it is not for His help, I wouldn't have come out strong. Praise God.

The Growing Up Process

Haven't blogged in ages... And this time I am blogging with a new identity.. "The Grownup"...
It may seem a little ironic to put this as the growing up process since I'm pretty old... Haven't I grown at all? Yeah I did of course, but it was my trip to Melbourne that had opened my eyes and widened my horizons on what I have been missing out my whole life.. Yes, the growing up process...

I went to Melbourne for 2ish months and it was a great time of knowing more friends and Melbourne... I have been to Melbourne many times but a few weeks is not the same compared to a few months... I took in the culture of Auzzies and learnt a lot about life through the people around me.

Outwardly, I learnt how to cook and clean, something I have never done in my whole life since everything has to taken care of for me since young... It's not a bad thing, fortunate I should say, however I have not tasted the freedom of independency...till now... I felt the joy of doing things myself and I learnt that I loved to cook!!! From the point where I did not know how to hold a peeler to skin a fruit to the competency of slicing thin shreds of carrots to bake my carrot cake... It was sheer joy...

Inwardly I have changed too... I foudn that I wasn't so angry anymore... Not that I had been a rebel and angry person my whole life, but there I discover inner peace that says "There is nothing to get upset about." I realised how small and narrowminded I have been, wallowing in my little world of comparison and pride... I realised I have been selfish and had been putting a guard around people, hurting them first before they can get me... However life is not like that!!! My boyfriend kept teling me this "Life is not about quantity, but the quality.." I have never understood this until now...

Yesteray I went to watch "Dance of the Dragon" and there were two incidents that peeved me a little... A lady was trying to get through to her seat during the movie and she accidently stepped on a container. A lot of people started to laugh. Towards the end of the show, there was a dancing scene where the music changed and people laughed too. I was thinking "What is so funny about it? Are we Singaporeans too full of ourselves that we laugh at others at anything just to prove that we are better and smarter?" I once belonged to this category, but I was proven wrong... We are so small and ignorant, yet we try to beef it up by being people we are not...

I'm not a pro-Auzzie activist, but I felt that we should look beyond who we are in Singapore to broaden our views and thinking... For me, I want a day where I can fly out into the sky to see more of the other side, if God allows... I'm praying everyday that I can go back to Melbourne, not only to be with my friends but to learn from the country...

Tribute to E.L.K

Today is 1st October 2007 children's day...Today is also the day my uncle passed away...
My uncle is (even though should be past tense, I cannot accept it yet..) 30 years old...We grew up together, with many memories of us playing at the house, him bringing me to the stall nearby to buy food, we cooking crap at the backyard..He will always remember my birthday even though I always forget his... He bought me a necklace that I never did wear but now looking back, it will be one thing I cherish from him..
We did not meet frequently once we grew up but things will not change... I know his illness is an ongoing battle since young but it did not dawn upon me until the recent relapse he had... I went into Malaysia to visit him and I was really shocked to see how much he had changed...His looks.. He did not look like the uncle I had played with but he is still my uncle deep within...We talked and I told him that I will bring my bf to show him end of the year and he said he will bake cakes for me... Why can't he wait? I still want to eat his cakes..How can he leave me? Yes he has left to be with God but I still can't accept it...
This is my uncle, the funny thing is he doesn't like me to call him uncle coz he doesn't want to sound that old... So he was made to call me Aunty instead.. Haha he refused... So he is still stuck with the Uncle tag... This is my Ah Lip Jiu Jiu...
Rest in God..I will miss you...

Is romance still in the air?

I've been glueing my eyes to youtube, indulging myself to the temptation of taiwanese idol dramas... You dun tink its a temptation? You muz be kidding!!! Its such a temptation with all the cute and perfect guys, romantic scenes, "great" plots... AWwW....I'm a sucker... :P But well I dun watch all kinds, I do select... ;) Anyway some great ones that I have watched: It started with a kiss, Devil beside you, Why Why love (exchange love)...Haha...I simply like mike he and rainie! Joe is not bad but I only prefer him in the drama... ;P
Anyway this is not the gist of my thots for today... Ths gist is what I've SUDDENLY learned...haha like sudden revelation... ;)
Well the bad part about watching these taiwanese drama is that you tend to day dream a little too much and I tend to expect a bit more from my bf..haha... Chessy but after those romantic scenes, I compared it to my bf and said "Why aren't you romantic?" Yeah yeah my bf is hopelessly NOT romantic but I can't compare them with my bf many pple will say, its just drama... But girls dun you tink in a secret part of your heart, you silently wish you were like the main character in the drama, being pampered and swept in the seas of romance and love?
BUT the sudden revelation came after these thots... Well thse angles of romantic scenes look good coz you are the onlooker... But if you happen to be the one "main character", you can't see if its romantic or not or how nice the "scene" looks coz you can't see one bit of it unless you have a camcorder 24-7 in your face!!!
Come to tink of it, my bf is not hopelessly not romantic...he may be a little slow in this area however he did do things tat made me melt... Its juz I can't see it and its not like a drama thingy... So the sudden revelation is... Romanace is in the air.. Its all around you if you stop and smell the roses... :)

ChickiePox

Haix tats me..I'm having chicken pox...Trust me its not a good thing to have chickenpox no matter what people say about the good deal that goes with it...2 weeks mc...Argh...even though it sounds good to be at home for two weeks doing nothing, I rather not have the dreaded sickness...
Can you imagine how ugly you can look when you have chickenpox?!?! My gosh I can write a long whiney letter about how chickepox has practically ruined my life!!! Alright its not that serious however I did get into mild depression when I first got the case of chickenpox...
When I first discovered I got chickenpox, it was quite ok since there were not many spots..Thought it is usually like that...Even though I was always tired and my body was aching, I was happy to keep the spots at bay...But never did I imagine...Argh after a few days, my golly all the spots start sprouting out like a dreaded disease and I hate it! I can't stand taking baths *not that I am dirty* but I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror! All the ugly spots have even crawled up onto my face and scalp! Argh how am I going to care for my face and hair?
Alrighty folks I'm not a beauty but in this world, there are no ugly people, only lazy people..and I don't belong to that category SO i do want to look good ad have nice beautiful hair.. But with the chickenpox in my scalp, how am i going to comb and take care of my curls? I can't!!! Can you imagine how I feel? I almost wanted to chop off my mane! I can only wash my hair, dry it abit (can you imagin I USED the hairdryer?!?!How can I use the hairdryer with my curls?Argh...Tabbooooo) And my face, I can't put anything on except the calamine lotion...And this is causing pimples but I can't do anything!!!Argh hopefully I can be well and pretty for my fren's wedding... :( And my "qingmeizhuma" said "Hey you don't go for the wedding...I don't have chickenpox and I don't want to have it yet..so don't come and spread to me..." You know how hurting it is? Argh...Enough depressing thoughts, I don't need salt to rub into my wounds, especially when the poxs hurt alot...
Well I am feeling better even though its still ugly...Cried over it and begone with the misery, I've learnt to accept it..well almost as I still cringe at the sight of it when I bathe... :)

Holidaying in Melbourne and Tasmania

March had been a terrible month for me...been hard at work, school and work work...but just had a wonderful holiday in Melbourne and Tasmania...It was really refreshing and relaxing as the pace of life there is slower and can you imagine that you can't even find a single soul on the roads at 6pm in most of the towns in Tasmania?!? At first I couldn't take the boredom but after awhile it was quite relaxing... :)
Ate alot there..haha now I'm fat and happy... ;) Had alot of fish and chips, oysters, and interesting food that my stomach had craved for..haha...Once I watched a tv commercial for Dominoes meat pie and I had such a craving for it! Yummy...Must be the weather that made me hungry all the time!!!
This trip to Tasmania was quite a thoughtful one...it was ironic that there were signs on the roads warning drivers abut the wombats and kangaroos and animals that live in the vicinity and the danger of them being attracted to the car lights and being knocked down...HOWEVER I saw so much roadkill on the road and they were "fresh"...Somehow something striked me...why can't the government put barricades or some barrier so that the animals won't run out? Yeah sure its supposed to be a natural environment for the animals but its for the sake of the animals... Drivers can try to avoid the animals if they encounter one in their paths but what if there is another car behind? Supposedly the speed is 110km/hr. Can the car brake and avoid hitting the animal but end up endangering the lives of himself and the driver behind him? Even if the driver does not step on the brake but swerve around, the road is so narrow around the mountainous area, the car may swing out of the road and end up getting the driver injured ude to an animal!!! There should be more attention given in this matter and not just putting up signs to warn drivers.
There were so many experiences that I had encountered and it was really a great trip, not forgetting the shopping! :) Haha I shopped so much that I went with two pieces of luggage and came back with three!!! Haha... Had to cross my fingers to my overweighted bags to be allowed to board the plane...haha... ;)

Happie Valentine's Day

Happie Valentine's Day to me...


How does it feel to celebrate V-day? Beats me, I've never celebrated it in my whole life before...Yeah yeah pple may say tat its a mad queue and crowd out there and tat its too commercialised, with shops hitting on consumers' wallets, planning to suck up a big pool of money from them with ideas of romanticism and wastage of money on this "festival"...blah blah blah...For someone like me who has never celebrated V-day before, I would gladly go out in the crowd for once! ;)


Well looking forward to the next V-day and many more to come..no matter if I have any one or no one to celebrate it with me... **I'm optimistic..yeah yeah...**




Valentine's pressie with a special meaning...My fav perfume..dun know how my bf managed to find it coz i cant even find it anywhere...Puzzled puzzled...Got to "squeeze" the secret out from him somehow..wahaha....

Update of My Boring Life

Well life has been boring....Yawn...And life has been a pile of medication...yucks...yeah been falling sick these two weeks..haix now i'm back with a bad bad headache, sore throat and flu..hopefully it won't "evolve" into fever...groan...
but thanks be to God! He's so damn great about $$$..haha...so watever it is, thank God for His provision!!!

Headaches...

Haix..been having headaches on and off...muz be too itred...juz finished my classes and all i wanna do now is to stay at home and laze...i need to HIBERNATE!!!!
argh...will everyone quit bothering me???i may snap...any min...haix...
Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Chinese New Year to me...

Back from Melbourne

Just came back from a holiday in Melbourne and as usual i ididnt wanna come back to singapore...groan...grown to like melbourne as it is...not tat i am anti-singapore now or am dying to rush over to grab a pr but its not such a bad idea to live there when i get married and older...maybe can even retire there...buy a house, do some gardening, be a home-maker...
haha...boy am i tinking far...but its not a bad thing...to tink far and have some motivation to move on with life...i am sure planning for my next trip back...haha almost my second home..awww....

am i the only one left?

Do people grow up? Not literally, but figuratively...I guess so...We are all growing and changing to what we want to pursue and what we want in life...In the process, we compromise things and poeple around us. Bluntly put across, we sacrifice our relationships with people whom we once loved and cared for. We forget that we once would do anything for the people we loved and now what is left are hurts and pains inflicted knowingly and unknowingly.
I hate to grow up. In the process of growing up, I see the reality of this world, the change of people around me, including myself. I hate the falseness and hypocrisy of this world, the back stabbing and dog-eat-dog world... Do we know we have changed? I hate to see the people I love change...Maybe i have to learn to let go...Maybe then I will not feel so much sadness...Maybe then I will no longer cry..Maybe then I will no longer feel...Maybe I will change...

post concert feelings

Juz finished my centre's graduation and concert..after more than a months hard work, the show was finally over...it was a special one for me...not only i was the emcee, but i had the chance to read out the names of the K2 children whom was my first class when i first joined the centre... looking at them take their certs and even seeing them dance made me wanna cry...how big have they grown...
Yesterday had been a day of panicking and losing my mind, but it was worth it...though there were mistakes made and blunders caused, it was a good lesson learnt...
I really enjoyed myself and the next lap will be PTC (parent teacher conference)...we gotto press on and win the race!!! Looking forward to meet the parents, not to tell tales on their children, but more so on how to help them improve and move on to the next level...it is more the time to "correct" parents, not their children, on their parenting in a way so that tehy will know what is the best thing to do for their children...

graduation cum concert 2006

Tml is my centre's graduation cum concert...So exciting coz i'm gonna be the emcee...i'm gonna be a korean princess..haha...juz like the goong princess... ;) however its oso so stressful..alot of work to do and hopefully i've covered all areas coz i'm in charge of the volunteers and logistics.. crossing my fingers...
Boy am i looking forward to it! my colleagues and i have put in alot of hard work and we are really anticipating the fruits of our labour... :)
Alrite gotto go and bathe...need to do some more work and get my beauty sleep... Goodnite bloggie...

happie birthday to me

Today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. :)
This birthday is very different coz every year without fail, my cousin would celebrate it for me. But this year she didnt. I also dun know why she didnt but its abit sad for me coz she is my fav cousin...haix...it is almost a ritual...she would celebrate my birthday for me and we muz have a cake...haha...i remembered tat last year, we couldnt find any cake and we walked a realli long way...but it was fun...we do ritual stuff toegether...when we were younger, she would meet me in my poly and eat malay food when we were ultra broke. We would spend abit more if we were feeling richer...during christmas, we would stay over at my uncle's place and the next day, we would go to MacDonalds for breakie...Now we wouldnt stay over but without fail, she would still meet me at Mac for breakfast and she would get a candy cane for me..haha..it muz be the original red and white...last year we couldnt get any coz it was too late and all the candy canes were so damn commercialised wiht the disgutsing blue and green and watsoever colours...
i miss her..i miss her celebrating my birthday..i had a quiet birthday this year...its good...i need myself to be alone...not tat i dun appreciate the presents and cakes and fun, but maybe i'm getting old...i need space...argh...
niwae happy birthday to me...

TGIF (realli THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY)

Today was well, a happy day and a painful day..literally painful coz i hurt my foot...not sure how though but hopefully not rheumatism...haha... niwae the happy thing was i received my fav cake for my birthday..its so touching as i dun realli have cakes for my birthday and it would realli seem weird tat i buy cakes for myself on my birthday...niwae this should be the first time i have a cake for my birthday...so tats the happy thing and painful thing tat happened to me today...thank God its Friday... :)

princess hours

finally finished the whole show!!! it was draggy at some point but was still good after all..hehe the realistic me only wanted to watch the cute princess and handsome prince together..drooling drooling...Ji Hoon was realli suave throughout even though at times he was overbearing..but you just dun have the heart to blame him coz he was brought up in a stern and cold evironment..but the princess changed him...awww..so sweet..tats the way love should be...awww...
suddenly had a thought...love changes people...let's talk abt relationships...at first the couple comes together and it is a time to know each other better and deeper, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses...some give up along the way, as they had initiatlly put the other party on a pedestal and after knowing so much more, decide its not the right choice and move on from there... others stay on and perserve for love's sake...after dating for awhile, one party may feel that it is becoming mundane or deluded because its not as romantic or sweet at the first phase...but why not loook at it from another point? Perserverance bears fruits and when you look at your partner, don't you think he/she has changed for you, for love? Even for just a little, don't you think that he/she has become more accommodating and loving? Maybe less romantic at times and exciting, but don't doubt for a minute that he/she does not love you because he/she has changed just to love a little more...

Joan of Arcadia

Been catching the episoes of "Joan of Arcadia" on Sunday evenings...its a pity i didnt watch the earlier episodes..well i judged the show by its cast and it didnt quite attract me till one day i had nothing to do and had to sit through the show... It wasnt at all an agony and from tat day, i stayed glued to the tv after my anime on channel u and switched to it faithfully (almost...)
one of the episodes i watched a few weeks ago still had a deep impression in me... it as titled "trial and error" and was about Joan and her friend, Grace, who had to attend a mock trial for Jack, who killed the giant in his attempt to escape after stealing the golden goose. Yeah its tat story... Joan was the prosecuter, Grace was the defense attorney and Adam was Jack. It was realli interesting to see how they realli got into the roles while preparing for the mock trial...
one thing i learnt about the trial was tat there are many sides to a story..wat you see is right may not be so and the things that are hidden will come ot light soon with justice. When i was young, i read the story "Jack and the Beanstalk"...not my fav though and it certainly didnt leave any impression on me. After watching this, i had a different perspective of Jack. To me, he is a lying thief who just doesnt have brains. Come on, who in the right mind will sell his cow away for beans? I'll kill him if i were his mother!!! Even though the giant had been evil and nasty and robbed many people's gold and jewels, it didint justify that Jack had to kill him... Jack had been on the defense mode that he chopped off the beanstalk to prevent the giant from climbing downt o kill him, but in the first place, he stole from the giant!!! What is the rubbish about beng poor and needy? Do integrity and honesty permit that? In the first place Jack stole some bags of gold, the hen that laid golden eggs, a golden harp and even lied to the giant's wife about it, denying that he had anything to do with it!!! Liar, cheater and thief he is! Well you may say tat he was just hungry and too poor to let ends meet so stealing a few bags of gold and the hen that laid golden eggs was fine, but he stole a golden harp too!! What would he want a harp for, for goodness sake!?!? He got caught while stealing the harp and as a result, the giant chased after him and was killed when Jack chopped off the beanstalk. Even though the giant deserved to die, Jack did not deserved to be named a hero and to have the words "they lived happily ever after", not him...
SO...coming back to the trial, Jack was convicted" and Joan won...but another shocking thing was that Adam confessed to Joan that he had slept with another girl, Bonnie, for a few times!!! Shocking!!! I didnt like Adam from the start and was just beginning to think that he was a good boyfriend and was just starting to like him wehn the camera had to turn to him making out with Bonnie...Disgusting... The excuse was given that he had his "needs"and since Joan didnt want to sleep with him, he made the wrong move..Very wrong move and grave consequences...Well Joan broke up with him and he jolly well deserved it... What stupidity caused him to be unfaithful to the one he loved so much and caused so mcuh pain to her? That was really uncalled for, but after awhile I started to pity him, especially after he got lost in the woods...sigh....what great price one has to pay for stupidity...
Anyway really liked the show as there are so many twists and mind engaging stuff going on..thinking show i say... :) Esp the parts when "God" talks to Joan and teaches her new things and helps her to be stronger in her faith and herself... :)

depletion of brain juice

argh....i'm still stuck wiht my stoopid assignment...dun know how to do it..argh...am i gng the rite way or is there something wrun? i realli dun know...argh...i'm gng nuts...
why am i here crapping abt this? i need a break man!!!argh...my brain juice is depleting and my shoulders are aching so badly, they can break and drop off anytime...ouch...everytime i use the computer for too long, they start to act up..haix izzit the sign of old age????
niwae i need a miracle God...i need a miracle..argh....i hate this assignment..groan...

Goong/ Princess Hours OST: Perhaps Love

I love Princess Hours!!!

family time

for the past weeks, i've kept on thinking abt the word family...to me, it has a diff meaning from most of the people out there..to others, a family means a dad, mum and mayb siblings...but to me, a family means my grandparents, my aunties and my uncles...
from young, i've been brought up by my grandparents, aunties and uncles. I've not seen my dad since i was pretty young and i dun realli have a good relationship with my mum since i dun realli come in contact with her. I've juz started talking to my sis but tats still considered quite superficial in a way as we dun live together and dun realli know each other veri well...

i went to a jap place for lunch with my fren one sun and i saw a family; a father, a mother and two children. They were having their lunch too...suddenly i had a thot...wat does it feel to eat like tat? when i was younger and even now, my uncles would bring us out for meals with the family, but it never seem quite rite to me...no matter how much i had enjoyed myself, deep in my heart i know tat i am not realli part of THE family...how does it feel to eat out like a family? How does it feel to live as a family?
But come to tink of it, i've never regretted not having a family coz God is good...Wherever i have lacked at, He has given me plentiful, even more than i can imgaine... My aunties love me alot..i am a princess to them and they are willing to give me everything unconditionally..my uncles and aunties treat me like their own too...i am truly blessed to be here...sometimes i will also tink, "if i realli have a family of my own, would i still be the person i am now?" seriously, i dun tink so...i dun tink i will be taught the same way and i may not even get the privileges i have now...
life is one big irony but if we see it differently, everything will be more colourful and enjoyable...

assignments assignments assignments

i hate my assignments!!!i hate my assignments coz i dun know where to start and wat to do..argh..i'm so damn stuck, with not even one bit of crap to "smoke"...and i'm feeling so sick..argh..cant breathe and have a bad headache, combined with a bad stuffed up nose and flu....argh...God help me..argh i need all the wisdom and help i can get..argh...
see?wat a grumbler i am... ;)

reflections

its been a tough week so far..learnt quite a few lessons the hard way, however God is good...He's been with me thruout, making sure tat there are pple ard me to teach me and to encourage me...my suprvisor and manager have been veri encouraging..no matter how bad i had fared or mistakes i had made, they were always there to talk to me and make sure i am okay...
learnt tat communication is veri impt...no matter how busy you tink the person is, its always good to talk to the person...its usually your own perspective and assumptions tat make things worse...ask and ask and ask..tats the best way to understand and to get things done well and efficiently...
made a lot of mistakes and aint gonna make any more of them anymore...

bad day

juz realised something abt myself...i'm giving myself too much stress and expectations for work...
haix...today hasnt been a good day...lost a letter at work...not tat impt but to me, gosh, how i possibly lose something like tat?!?! i blame myself for being so incompetent and ineffective...argh....
sitting down and tinking abt it, i feel like crying...in fact i already had..of all pple, i had to cry in front of my bf..gosh we hadnt talked for some time and the first thing i do is to cry..weak...real weak of me....
felt so suffocated..not tat my superiors are giving me stress...they are helping me alot but i keep worrying tat i'm not dng my best and when i make a mistake, i kinda stumble and spit on myself...to pple, i look like i have not a care in the world, but its not so...i tink...and i tink alot...tats bad...
do you feel like being led around by the nose at times? tats how i feel sometimes when my colleagues tell me wat to do and to their timing too, even though i'm up my neck at times..c'mon i need to breathe too!!! so get off my back on wat i "must" do and "when" i muz do things!!!!
guess i need a break..gosh i realli need a break to work on my assignments too...God give me good time management and wisdom...i need tat to complete my assignments well and on time...sigh...
my last few sentences of grouse...i miss my bf...esp during this time...i need his shoulder to cry on...sigh...

saturday (23/9)

had orientation in school and realised i am so proud of my school and my teachers...haha...we are a good school yippee!!!!
niwae after tat me and wang went shopping and bought a lot of things...niwae tat wasnt the point...the point was i learnt many things and pondered over many things tat day...
1) we talked abt school days...and i was so astonished at teh ways teachers treat students, humiliating them in public, and stuff tat i dun see in my school...mayb my teachers dun care abt how we grow up (coz i come from a neighbourhood school), but at least i dun have to go thru this kind of stuff...gosh...does gng to a prestigious school "entitle" you to this kind of suffering unless you are smart and popular? there are pros and cons to gng to a prestigious school...if i'm a parent i'll want my kid to do well in his/her life too...but will it ine=stead be a mark in his/her life?a stigma tat he/she will grow up with?

2) compliment i got: are you from sia?haha...i've thot of becoming an air stewardess, but the only criteria i failed at is...i CANT SWIM!!!!! hhaha...but i took tat as a compliment when the guy asked me tat... ;)

3) went to giraffe...not tat fantastic..and lack of desserts..more of drinkingplace..so no-no for me..haha
i'll post some more tml co zi cant tink straight now...juz had onish litre of hoeegarden and some cobra beer...
nitey nite nite...

My day

Today has been a long day...i started work at 6.50am and had class till 10.30pm...argh..i am so tired i can fall asleep any min..haha...

My day has been good...Thank you grandmama for the carrot cake...it was superb...muz learn from you...this is one of my fav cakes...yumyum... ;p the "visit" and the cake realli made my day...not onli its one of my fav cakes, its the thot tat matters most and i'm realli touched and happy..haha..so mushy rite? ;) Thank you again "Grandmama"!!!!

Cant realli understand wat one of the lecturer was talking abt coz of her accent..i had such a bad headache from trying to concentrate tat i juz wanna run home...hope tml will be better...But i realli enjoy school...even though i always sob when i have to rush my assignments, its a joy to understand more abt the early childhood education not onli in s'pore but in other parts of the world...its an eye opener for me, to interact with so many diff people of diff cultures and beliefs, and also to build up my confidence... :) i got back two of my modules and i scored pretty well for my assignments but all glory to God, coz i know if He didnt help me, i wouldnt have gotten the grades at all...

today

today was a tiring day..again...lotsa work to do...little time to complete them...juz wanna run home and lie down on the couch and nuan....ahhh..wat bliss...hahaha...
it is 11:52pm...why am i still online?argh...being the stubborn me, i want to solve the "conversion mystery"...argh...gosh now i juz want my ipod to be ejected so tat i can pack up and zzz...quick quick be disconnected...zzZZzzz...
hope tml will be a better day...my mgr's fav phrase of wisdom...明天会更好!!!
Jiayou!!!

exasperating ipod nano

gosh am still figuring out how to convert wma files to mp3 files...argh...if i dun convert the files, i cant play them on my ipod nano!!!argh... God please help...

my korkor

so sad...juz heard tat my kor kor's wedding is on the same day as my year end function...i realli dun wanna miss it for anything in the world...well gotto check out with him...
BUT i'm realli happy tat he's getting married... :) he's not my brother but to me, he's like a real brother to me coz he realli takes care of me alot...i mean alot..from the day i joined my second cell till now, i tink i've known him for so many years..wow..haha...from the young girl whose fav words were "I dun know" to everything to me in my late twenties, we have all grown and have come a long way...and i still like the way he looks at me..coz the brotherly affection juz shows in his eyes..haha...
Gosh i'm so proud of my korkor..gosh juz dun let me get too teary at his wedding...

To SpiderMan

Juz in case SkinnySpiderMan sees this, here's a BIG hiyee to ya!!!
haha..its like abit not veri polite to call you this rite? ;) okie...Hiyee Mother!!!hehe...tats not veri polite too...

niwae juz wanna appreciate you and thank God for the chance to know you better...i dun have a dad but to me, i guess a model dad figure is juz like you...minus the car ticket... ;) looking forward to your carrot cake..hehe..wah making me hungry already...

car accident

now i'm feeling better..i had the biggest shock of my life tat made me say onli these words "shit, wah liao, stoopid and idiot"...i know tat these are bad words tat cannot be used but once i'm tensed or shocked, you can hear these words from my mouth...
my bf msged me yesterday tat he had been in a car accident and it was pretty bad as the car was in a bad shape but i didnt realli take note till i saw him juz now in msn...woah..oh boy wat a shock i had!!!his neck was stiff and he had bandage ard his neck...gosh...and he didnt even wanna see a doc...wah bian...i warned him to see a doc tml or he's gonna get it BIG time from me..haha...wah this is my stubborn bf...and i hate it when his stubbornness acts up...but i'm stubborn too..so lets see who wins..humph...
but realli thank God tat He was protecting him (dun know how many angels are kenna smashed laio..argh not a pretty sight...) if it were not for Him, dun know wat will happen..shudder..dun even dare to tink abt it...shit...

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

changes

its scary how pple can change so drastically over such a short time...or is it tat we do not realli know the person well enuff to see the other side of him/her?could it be tat we ourselves have changed and we see things differently tat we find tat we do not know the person anymore?
no matter wat the reasons may be, it is still sad tat we are not the same anymore...the way we tink, the way we feel, the way we behave and the feelings we have for one another...
why?why have we changed?is it the climate?is it the society?is it the food?or the air?guess it should be our hearts tat have changed...and it scares me...could i be the one who have changed?

why am i blogging?

lying on my bed, i thot abt many things and the word blog juz flashed across my mind and well, guess i juz start to tink abt it...
wat is blogging? its juz like writing your online diary or online thots and ramblings (haha..like wat leo said..) but come to tink of it, isnt it a little scared tat everyone in the whole world is reading wat you are tinking abt or at least typing down? may be there are some bloggers who juz write crap and they dun mean wat they say , but wat if you are writing everything straight from your heart? its vulnerable isnt it? its vulnerable to tink tat you may be judged according to wat you write...wat you feel and say may be ostracized and may even be misunderstood...gosh..haha see i'm so complicated tat i tink all the crappie complicated stuff...

then you muz tink "why are you blogging?"

to many pple, i am funny and crappy and everything tat is fun and laughter put together, true i am but those who know me realli well know tat i have my dark side... i am a person who overestimates myself into tinking tat i am veri strong and thus shutting out emotions...i rarely cry to my own problems (mayb i sob to dramas and touching stuff...) i usually tink with my head and not with my heart and i dun tell anyone my problems, how i feel and wat i tink...see, i have a dark side... (muahaha...) but seriously... why am i blogging if i dun tell anyone anything? i like to write and boy can i "smoke"..haha...so guess this is a rite revenue for me to start letting out my "grievances"...wahaha..no lah juz my thots and babbling nonsense...

wat a day...

today hasnt been a fufilling day..nothing much done except for the extra pounds i put around my waist, bumming ard and watching tv..cant even seem to get myself started on my books...yawn....need to start studying or i wont be able to rush my projs out in time...argh..tink i have lagged awhile in my studies and cant find much motivation to start my engine..well..guess have to wait till i start class end of the month...keep myself busy...haha...
tml will be a better day i hope..haha...juz finished watching a short episode on adoption...its quite a good show and has several segments on the family life..tink its a great joy to have a baby and a family of your own...to share your life with your loved ones...(haha...you are tinking tat i am dying to get married... ;) well tink i can be a good mother but i still need alot to learn to be a good wife!!!)

a simpsons video!!!

so happieeeee!!!! i juz figured out how to link blogs to my blog..wahaha...yippeee... now i going to try to do fancy stuff to my blog!!!! =D

some people say tat a long distance relationship is veri difficult to maintain and it is almost impossible to get anything good out of it...

i am in one and have been in one for two years plus...alot of people are amazed when they know tat and are almost baffled because its me, the dependent little girl who doesn't seem to grow up...i cannot say tat its difficult but the road is never tat smooth all the times...we have our sweet times yet we have bad times, bad times of misunderstandings and petty words...isn't it ironic?when we are together, we share moments of happiness, but we also share moments of flying words and hurt feelings...when we are far away from each other, we share moments of wat it is called "absence makes the heart fonder", yet we also share feelings of jealousy and frustations..

why am i saying all these? i juz had a "silent quarrel" with my bf...i am frustrated with him tat he doesn't bother enuff to talk to me and i am also angry with myself for feeling this way because he is busy...its juz me and myself fighting agst each other..to either win and tink positive or lose and wallow in frustration and self-pity...tats my choice..and i will make it a good one...

it is a lesson for me to learn..i mean everything in this relationship is..learning to be independent, to be trusting, to be understanding...but the most important thing is to communicate..communication is veri impt even for any and every person who is in your life...tat is when we all open up to each other and understand how everyone feels...

i guess there are more things i have to learn in life to grow up...

guess wat this is!!!

Everyone, well almost, is still remicising the days of our staff advance..haha everyone enjoyed themselves ssssooooooo much!!! it was not onli a time of fun, but it was also a time of getting to know everyone better... It felt realli good to be there, to be part of a bg family, the TCS family... Everyone was so happy and everyone was juz like a part of everyone...no matter where you go, there would always be a smiling face waiting to greet you and to brighten your day!
All of us are waiting for the next staff advance..hmmm tats too far...or at least the next time all of us come together..haha...

"so don't take things for granted and be happy because the Lord is always with us no matter wat!"

This is something tat someone who i juz got to know said to me...haha muz dedicate one blog for him or he wont be able to SEE it due to "old age"..hehe...

even though i juz met him and can say tat i dun know him well, there is something veri different abt him tat makes you want to know more abt him and his life...not in terms of appearance or dressing but tat i see Jesus in him...you may tink tat i am exaggerating but its true...dun know how to explain tat though...it draws pple to want to know the Jesus who is living in him...and its realli cool...can i be like tat too?

so here's a blog dedicated to him, the cool and old dude..wahaha...

Today is a hectic day. I am so tired. I cannot tink anymore. Everyone juz wants a piece of me. And my time.
Haha...look at the way i tink now...in bits and pieces...hmmm still figuring how to link blogs in my blog..help someone...argh...today juz went in a blink, with me barely floating in the depths of work...argh...but still, it's quite fulfilling come to tink of it...being able to finish so much work keeps crap from overcrowding my brains and killing my braincells...
watever the case is, i'll survive!!! haha..liked this pix taken...SuperPeiLin!!!

cheese!

my 2nd post of the day or should i say nite..this time, its a post of grumbling...isnt it ironic tat before tat i talked abt smiles and now i am not feeling good? hmmm...
so late at nite and i cant get to zzz.. nothing in my mind yet a burning disturbing feeling in my heart.. haix..wat am i suffering from? i know the model answer to my problem is God but tat will open my eyes and make me see many things tat i did not want to see before, and make decisions tat i did not want to make... well it may not be so dramatic as tat but who knows? wat if i have to do something abt my life? wat if i cant let go of the impt things in my life? wat if the decisions i make cost me everything tat i have? shitty feeling...
wat does it mean to give God everything? it does seem hypocritical to say tat i love God yet hold things back from Him...yet i cant give Him up for the things tat are not as big as Him...
thruout the staff advance and even now, one verse kept coming back... "'If you can?' said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23
I keep thinking about this verse...i want to believe, but can i? an oxymoron tat is to say this, but i still have to..can i? i need the strength to trust and believe...can i?

Haha.. first post... well juz coz i wanted to put a comment (comma) i signed up for this... so i might as well start blogging...

first day at work... zzz... so sianx day coz so busy... work piling up till i cant see the table...sigh...

Saw this interesting quote when i took the nel home... it goes something like this "sometimes its joy tat puts a smile on your face but sometimes its the smile tat puts the joy in your heart"...

well said!!! many times we do not want to make the first move to smile and to be friendly for fear of being rejected or seemed as stupid or silly, but little do we know wat power a smile holds... it can brighten up any one's day with juz a single smile...it can make a bad day seem not tat bad after all...

Practise smiling..you never know wat it can do for the next person you meet... (haha..wat a cheesy slogan...)