my 2nd post of the day or should i say nite..this time, its a post of grumbling...isnt it ironic tat before tat i talked abt smiles and now i am not feeling good? hmmm...
so late at nite and i cant get to zzz.. nothing in my mind yet a burning disturbing feeling in my heart.. haix..wat am i suffering from? i know the model answer to my problem is God but tat will open my eyes and make me see many things tat i did not want to see before, and make decisions tat i did not want to make... well it may not be so dramatic as tat but who knows? wat if i have to do something abt my life? wat if i cant let go of the impt things in my life? wat if the decisions i make cost me everything tat i have? shitty feeling...
wat does it mean to give God everything? it does seem hypocritical to say tat i love God yet hold things back from Him...yet i cant give Him up for the things tat are not as big as Him...
thruout the staff advance and even now, one verse kept coming back... "'If you can?' said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23
I keep thinking about this verse...i want to believe, but can i? an oxymoron tat is to say this, but i still have to..can i? i need the strength to trust and believe...can i?