reflections

its been a tough week so far..learnt quite a few lessons the hard way, however God is good...He's been with me thruout, making sure tat there are pple ard me to teach me and to encourage me...my suprvisor and manager have been veri encouraging..no matter how bad i had fared or mistakes i had made, they were always there to talk to me and make sure i am okay...
learnt tat communication is veri impt...no matter how busy you tink the person is, its always good to talk to the person...its usually your own perspective and assumptions tat make things worse...ask and ask and ask..tats the best way to understand and to get things done well and efficiently...
made a lot of mistakes and aint gonna make any more of them anymore...

bad day

juz realised something abt myself...i'm giving myself too much stress and expectations for work...
haix...today hasnt been a good day...lost a letter at work...not tat impt but to me, gosh, how i possibly lose something like tat?!?! i blame myself for being so incompetent and ineffective...argh....
sitting down and tinking abt it, i feel like crying...in fact i already had..of all pple, i had to cry in front of my bf..gosh we hadnt talked for some time and the first thing i do is to cry..weak...real weak of me....
felt so suffocated..not tat my superiors are giving me stress...they are helping me alot but i keep worrying tat i'm not dng my best and when i make a mistake, i kinda stumble and spit on myself...to pple, i look like i have not a care in the world, but its not so...i tink...and i tink alot...tats bad...
do you feel like being led around by the nose at times? tats how i feel sometimes when my colleagues tell me wat to do and to their timing too, even though i'm up my neck at times..c'mon i need to breathe too!!! so get off my back on wat i "must" do and "when" i muz do things!!!!
guess i need a break..gosh i realli need a break to work on my assignments too...God give me good time management and wisdom...i need tat to complete my assignments well and on time...sigh...
my last few sentences of grouse...i miss my bf...esp during this time...i need his shoulder to cry on...sigh...

saturday (23/9)

had orientation in school and realised i am so proud of my school and my teachers...haha...we are a good school yippee!!!!
niwae after tat me and wang went shopping and bought a lot of things...niwae tat wasnt the point...the point was i learnt many things and pondered over many things tat day...
1) we talked abt school days...and i was so astonished at teh ways teachers treat students, humiliating them in public, and stuff tat i dun see in my school...mayb my teachers dun care abt how we grow up (coz i come from a neighbourhood school), but at least i dun have to go thru this kind of stuff...gosh...does gng to a prestigious school "entitle" you to this kind of suffering unless you are smart and popular? there are pros and cons to gng to a prestigious school...if i'm a parent i'll want my kid to do well in his/her life too...but will it ine=stead be a mark in his/her life?a stigma tat he/she will grow up with?

2) compliment i got: are you from sia?haha...i've thot of becoming an air stewardess, but the only criteria i failed at is...i CANT SWIM!!!!! hhaha...but i took tat as a compliment when the guy asked me tat... ;)

3) went to giraffe...not tat fantastic..and lack of desserts..more of drinkingplace..so no-no for me..haha
i'll post some more tml co zi cant tink straight now...juz had onish litre of hoeegarden and some cobra beer...
nitey nite nite...

My day

Today has been a long day...i started work at 6.50am and had class till 10.30pm...argh..i am so tired i can fall asleep any min..haha...

My day has been good...Thank you grandmama for the carrot cake...it was superb...muz learn from you...this is one of my fav cakes...yumyum... ;p the "visit" and the cake realli made my day...not onli its one of my fav cakes, its the thot tat matters most and i'm realli touched and happy..haha..so mushy rite? ;) Thank you again "Grandmama"!!!!

Cant realli understand wat one of the lecturer was talking abt coz of her accent..i had such a bad headache from trying to concentrate tat i juz wanna run home...hope tml will be better...But i realli enjoy school...even though i always sob when i have to rush my assignments, its a joy to understand more abt the early childhood education not onli in s'pore but in other parts of the world...its an eye opener for me, to interact with so many diff people of diff cultures and beliefs, and also to build up my confidence... :) i got back two of my modules and i scored pretty well for my assignments but all glory to God, coz i know if He didnt help me, i wouldnt have gotten the grades at all...

today

today was a tiring day..again...lotsa work to do...little time to complete them...juz wanna run home and lie down on the couch and nuan....ahhh..wat bliss...hahaha...
it is 11:52pm...why am i still online?argh...being the stubborn me, i want to solve the "conversion mystery"...argh...gosh now i juz want my ipod to be ejected so tat i can pack up and zzz...quick quick be disconnected...zzZZzzz...
hope tml will be a better day...my mgr's fav phrase of wisdom...明天会更好!!!
Jiayou!!!

exasperating ipod nano

gosh am still figuring out how to convert wma files to mp3 files...argh...if i dun convert the files, i cant play them on my ipod nano!!!argh... God please help...

my korkor

so sad...juz heard tat my kor kor's wedding is on the same day as my year end function...i realli dun wanna miss it for anything in the world...well gotto check out with him...
BUT i'm realli happy tat he's getting married... :) he's not my brother but to me, he's like a real brother to me coz he realli takes care of me alot...i mean alot..from the day i joined my second cell till now, i tink i've known him for so many years..wow..haha...from the young girl whose fav words were "I dun know" to everything to me in my late twenties, we have all grown and have come a long way...and i still like the way he looks at me..coz the brotherly affection juz shows in his eyes..haha...
Gosh i'm so proud of my korkor..gosh juz dun let me get too teary at his wedding...

To SpiderMan

Juz in case SkinnySpiderMan sees this, here's a BIG hiyee to ya!!!
haha..its like abit not veri polite to call you this rite? ;) okie...Hiyee Mother!!!hehe...tats not veri polite too...

niwae juz wanna appreciate you and thank God for the chance to know you better...i dun have a dad but to me, i guess a model dad figure is juz like you...minus the car ticket... ;) looking forward to your carrot cake..hehe..wah making me hungry already...

car accident

now i'm feeling better..i had the biggest shock of my life tat made me say onli these words "shit, wah liao, stoopid and idiot"...i know tat these are bad words tat cannot be used but once i'm tensed or shocked, you can hear these words from my mouth...
my bf msged me yesterday tat he had been in a car accident and it was pretty bad as the car was in a bad shape but i didnt realli take note till i saw him juz now in msn...woah..oh boy wat a shock i had!!!his neck was stiff and he had bandage ard his neck...gosh...and he didnt even wanna see a doc...wah bian...i warned him to see a doc tml or he's gonna get it BIG time from me..haha...wah this is my stubborn bf...and i hate it when his stubbornness acts up...but i'm stubborn too..so lets see who wins..humph...
but realli thank God tat He was protecting him (dun know how many angels are kenna smashed laio..argh not a pretty sight...) if it were not for Him, dun know wat will happen..shudder..dun even dare to tink abt it...shit...

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

changes

its scary how pple can change so drastically over such a short time...or is it tat we do not realli know the person well enuff to see the other side of him/her?could it be tat we ourselves have changed and we see things differently tat we find tat we do not know the person anymore?
no matter wat the reasons may be, it is still sad tat we are not the same anymore...the way we tink, the way we feel, the way we behave and the feelings we have for one another...
why?why have we changed?is it the climate?is it the society?is it the food?or the air?guess it should be our hearts tat have changed...and it scares me...could i be the one who have changed?

why am i blogging?

lying on my bed, i thot abt many things and the word blog juz flashed across my mind and well, guess i juz start to tink abt it...
wat is blogging? its juz like writing your online diary or online thots and ramblings (haha..like wat leo said..) but come to tink of it, isnt it a little scared tat everyone in the whole world is reading wat you are tinking abt or at least typing down? may be there are some bloggers who juz write crap and they dun mean wat they say , but wat if you are writing everything straight from your heart? its vulnerable isnt it? its vulnerable to tink tat you may be judged according to wat you write...wat you feel and say may be ostracized and may even be misunderstood...gosh..haha see i'm so complicated tat i tink all the crappie complicated stuff...

then you muz tink "why are you blogging?"

to many pple, i am funny and crappy and everything tat is fun and laughter put together, true i am but those who know me realli well know tat i have my dark side... i am a person who overestimates myself into tinking tat i am veri strong and thus shutting out emotions...i rarely cry to my own problems (mayb i sob to dramas and touching stuff...) i usually tink with my head and not with my heart and i dun tell anyone my problems, how i feel and wat i tink...see, i have a dark side... (muahaha...) but seriously... why am i blogging if i dun tell anyone anything? i like to write and boy can i "smoke"..haha...so guess this is a rite revenue for me to start letting out my "grievances"...wahaha..no lah juz my thots and babbling nonsense...

wat a day...

today hasnt been a fufilling day..nothing much done except for the extra pounds i put around my waist, bumming ard and watching tv..cant even seem to get myself started on my books...yawn....need to start studying or i wont be able to rush my projs out in time...argh..tink i have lagged awhile in my studies and cant find much motivation to start my engine..well..guess have to wait till i start class end of the month...keep myself busy...haha...
tml will be a better day i hope..haha...juz finished watching a short episode on adoption...its quite a good show and has several segments on the family life..tink its a great joy to have a baby and a family of your own...to share your life with your loved ones...(haha...you are tinking tat i am dying to get married... ;) well tink i can be a good mother but i still need alot to learn to be a good wife!!!)

a simpsons video!!!

so happieeeee!!!! i juz figured out how to link blogs to my blog..wahaha...yippeee... now i going to try to do fancy stuff to my blog!!!! =D

some people say tat a long distance relationship is veri difficult to maintain and it is almost impossible to get anything good out of it...

i am in one and have been in one for two years plus...alot of people are amazed when they know tat and are almost baffled because its me, the dependent little girl who doesn't seem to grow up...i cannot say tat its difficult but the road is never tat smooth all the times...we have our sweet times yet we have bad times, bad times of misunderstandings and petty words...isn't it ironic?when we are together, we share moments of happiness, but we also share moments of flying words and hurt feelings...when we are far away from each other, we share moments of wat it is called "absence makes the heart fonder", yet we also share feelings of jealousy and frustations..

why am i saying all these? i juz had a "silent quarrel" with my bf...i am frustrated with him tat he doesn't bother enuff to talk to me and i am also angry with myself for feeling this way because he is busy...its juz me and myself fighting agst each other..to either win and tink positive or lose and wallow in frustration and self-pity...tats my choice..and i will make it a good one...

it is a lesson for me to learn..i mean everything in this relationship is..learning to be independent, to be trusting, to be understanding...but the most important thing is to communicate..communication is veri impt even for any and every person who is in your life...tat is when we all open up to each other and understand how everyone feels...

i guess there are more things i have to learn in life to grow up...

guess wat this is!!!

Everyone, well almost, is still remicising the days of our staff advance..haha everyone enjoyed themselves ssssooooooo much!!! it was not onli a time of fun, but it was also a time of getting to know everyone better... It felt realli good to be there, to be part of a bg family, the TCS family... Everyone was so happy and everyone was juz like a part of everyone...no matter where you go, there would always be a smiling face waiting to greet you and to brighten your day!
All of us are waiting for the next staff advance..hmmm tats too far...or at least the next time all of us come together..haha...

"so don't take things for granted and be happy because the Lord is always with us no matter wat!"

This is something tat someone who i juz got to know said to me...haha muz dedicate one blog for him or he wont be able to SEE it due to "old age"..hehe...

even though i juz met him and can say tat i dun know him well, there is something veri different abt him tat makes you want to know more abt him and his life...not in terms of appearance or dressing but tat i see Jesus in him...you may tink tat i am exaggerating but its true...dun know how to explain tat though...it draws pple to want to know the Jesus who is living in him...and its realli cool...can i be like tat too?

so here's a blog dedicated to him, the cool and old dude..wahaha...

Today is a hectic day. I am so tired. I cannot tink anymore. Everyone juz wants a piece of me. And my time.
Haha...look at the way i tink now...in bits and pieces...hmmm still figuring how to link blogs in my blog..help someone...argh...today juz went in a blink, with me barely floating in the depths of work...argh...but still, it's quite fulfilling come to tink of it...being able to finish so much work keeps crap from overcrowding my brains and killing my braincells...
watever the case is, i'll survive!!! haha..liked this pix taken...SuperPeiLin!!!

cheese!

my 2nd post of the day or should i say nite..this time, its a post of grumbling...isnt it ironic tat before tat i talked abt smiles and now i am not feeling good? hmmm...
so late at nite and i cant get to zzz.. nothing in my mind yet a burning disturbing feeling in my heart.. haix..wat am i suffering from? i know the model answer to my problem is God but tat will open my eyes and make me see many things tat i did not want to see before, and make decisions tat i did not want to make... well it may not be so dramatic as tat but who knows? wat if i have to do something abt my life? wat if i cant let go of the impt things in my life? wat if the decisions i make cost me everything tat i have? shitty feeling...
wat does it mean to give God everything? it does seem hypocritical to say tat i love God yet hold things back from Him...yet i cant give Him up for the things tat are not as big as Him...
thruout the staff advance and even now, one verse kept coming back... "'If you can?' said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23
I keep thinking about this verse...i want to believe, but can i? an oxymoron tat is to say this, but i still have to..can i? i need the strength to trust and believe...can i?

Haha.. first post... well juz coz i wanted to put a comment (comma) i signed up for this... so i might as well start blogging...

first day at work... zzz... so sianx day coz so busy... work piling up till i cant see the table...sigh...

Saw this interesting quote when i took the nel home... it goes something like this "sometimes its joy tat puts a smile on your face but sometimes its the smile tat puts the joy in your heart"...

well said!!! many times we do not want to make the first move to smile and to be friendly for fear of being rejected or seemed as stupid or silly, but little do we know wat power a smile holds... it can brighten up any one's day with juz a single smile...it can make a bad day seem not tat bad after all...

Practise smiling..you never know wat it can do for the next person you meet... (haha..wat a cheesy slogan...)